yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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