There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
