we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
