dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
