literally had 100 drinks last night.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
