you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
