I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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