people are starting to question the shark bite story
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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