I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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