Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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