Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
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i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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