What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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