i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize