So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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