I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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