the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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