I cockslap morals
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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