Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
