She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just threw up on my dentist
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
