Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
