my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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