If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
3pm strippers are depressing
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
