you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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