So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
