I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
