mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need a beard to bite.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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