the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
