hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
