I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
