My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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