i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
