I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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