I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
