that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
