you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have already put on my inside pants.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
