That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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