Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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