I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
