Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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