i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
