This girl is more easily done than said...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
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Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
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It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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