Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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