You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
