omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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