you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Mom said you looked used
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
