My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.