i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
