i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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