I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
