He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
