I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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