Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
