Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
