Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
