When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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