i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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