But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
