my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Randomize
