people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
