I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
