Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
