i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
