never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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