We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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