Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
