This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
