Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
