so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
