9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
