So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
