Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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