therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
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