My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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