i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
