i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
