Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
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Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
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We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
A bitchslap is in order.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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