im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The best revenge is premature balding
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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