i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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