If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
