It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
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I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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