I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
