Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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